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Alexandra Szczupak
Alexandra Szczupak

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May 19

Slippery Business: How a Pair of Platform Sandals Could Have Saved My Life… and Honor

Two men stood in less than a foot of water, leading an aerobics session to a pool full of boozy tourists. I was one of them. I waved my arms above my head, careful not to lose any of the beer out of the can in my hand. I tried…

Vacation

5 min read


Dec 31, 2021

What to Expect When You’ll Never Expect

Silence is my preference. Occasionally the cat whines or pukes directly in my ukulele and that’s about all I have the bandwidth for. I can’t imagine having something to tend to that makes more noise or puke than a cat, and I’ve tried imagining that a lot, probably more than…

Childfree

7 min read

What to Expect When You’ll Never Expect
What to Expect When You’ll Never Expect

May 28, 2021

Watching People React to Breastfeeding: My New Favorite Hobby

As much as I love my brand new nephew, few things have brought me as much joy as watching people’s reactions to my sister openly breastfeeding him. This new parlor trick of my sister’s, clearing a room faster than a landing boot evicts a colony of ants from their home…

Breastfeeding

7 min read

Watching People React to Breastfeeding: My New Favorite Hobby
Watching People React to Breastfeeding: My New Favorite Hobby

Apr 30, 2021

Editorial Professional Tries to Lose Property Virginity

It’s Free Real Estate — From a young age people have told me I have an active imagination. It has worked to my advantage, like that time I convinced my mother that my drawing a dotted line in black Sharpie across the length of my bedroom was born out of an interest in pointillist Impressionism…

Real Estate

11 min read

Editorial Professional Tries to Lose Property Virginity
Editorial Professional Tries to Lose Property Virginity

Mar 10, 2021

2021’s Most Eligible Mythical Beasts if You’re Fed up with Dating Humans

Dating humans is rough. Dating humans in a pandemic is even worse. If you’re anything like me, you’d sooner attend a 6 am slack meeting with the whole office after a Wednesday-night living room bender than play another game of virtual 20 questions with a stranger off Tinder. Still, one…

Dating

5 min read


Feb 26, 2021

What Saturday Morning and Evening Television Taught Me about Sex

For the longest time my sexual fantasies involved me in a long pastel negligee, swanning into a sunny living room where a salt and pepper gentleman caller is awaiting me with a fully charged rabbit pearl in hand. Sometimes I’d swap the generic silver fox for Mr. Burt Reynolds himself…

Sex Education

8 min read

What Saturday Morning and Evening Television Taught Me about Sex
What Saturday Morning and Evening Television Taught Me about Sex

Feb 14, 2021

Designer Companions: Behavior, Care, and Common Pitfalls

Partners come in many forms. The ethical and trendy choice lately has been to shop local: seeking out partners organically through friends of friends, in the workplace, or maybe even at Target. Perhaps you are more of an arm chair dater and prefer to slide into a virtual inbox of…

Dating Advice

5 min read

Designer Companions: Behavior, Care, and Common Pitfalls
Designer Companions: Behavior, Care, and Common Pitfalls

Jan 24, 2021

Nobody Smashes Tables Like the Buffalo Bills: A Short Ethnography of Some Bills Fans

“Do you know who I am?” A man in a white jersey emblazoned with a stitched number seven asks me. Of course I knew who it was. Standing there in the middle of a Target in front of the tampons was the Buffalo Bills starting quarterback from 1998–2000. “You’re Doug…

Buffalo Bills

11 min read

Nobody Smashes Tables Like the Buffalo Bills
Nobody Smashes Tables Like the Buffalo Bills

Nov 26, 2020

The Year my Grandmother Ruined Thanksgiving with her Coke Nail

I sat on the carpet and pretended to be engrossed in the Montel Williams show coming through the giant console television in front of me. But what I was really focused on was behind me: my grandmother—known affectionately as Mother — in her easy chair the same color as a…

Thanksgiving

9 min read


Published in Curious

·Nov 19, 2020

Earworms Inside Me: How One Song Entered My Brain and Never Left

I don’t need to set an alarm anymore. My brain’s like, “No. I got you!” And every morning at around 7:50 AM, Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s in the Cradle” plays in my head and jerks me out of my sleep. Chapin’s hit song entered my subconscious a few months ago and…

Harry Chapin

6 min read

Earworms Inside Me: How One Song Entered My Brain and Never Left
Earworms Inside Me: How One Song Entered My Brain and Never Left
Alexandra Szczupak

Alexandra Szczupak

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