Designer Companions: Behavior, Care, and Common Pitfalls

Partners come in many forms. The ethical and trendy choice lately has been to shop local: seeking out partners organically through friends of friends, in the workplace, or maybe even at Target. Perhaps you are more of an arm chair dater and prefer to slide into a virtual inbox of some sort — we don’t recommend this one (read: telling someone they “look really good” after not seeing them since high school). But maybe, you are looking for a more unique and challenging experience. You’re a self-described overachiever and people can’t quite figure out why you’re still single. If this sounds like you, perhaps a designer companion is more your speed. Designer companions do come with a hefty price — both monetary and emotional — and require a special diet and predetermined set of recreational activities, but if you follow the steps we outline below, you’ll have a sumptuous sweetheart lapping up iced matcha latte out of the palm of your hand in no time (just kidding, try this delicate and overpriced bowl from Goop).

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

So what makes a partner of the designer variety? Typically, a designer companion is a hybrid of two or more regular breeds. It is not at all uncommon to see a cross between a successful hedge fund manager and a highly educated individual who oversees a house and dabbles in interior decorating. You shouldn’t be intimidated by this pedigree…