Member-only story
Editorial Professional Tries to Lose Property Virginity
It’s Free Real Estate
From a young age people have told me I have an active imagination. It has worked to my advantage, like that time I convinced my mother that my drawing a dotted line in black Sharpie across the length of my bedroom was born out of an interest in pointillist Impressionism and not sheer, dumb boredom. Other times, my imagination kicks into overdrive harder than Patrick Swayze’s dominant foot in Road House and gives me a wild idea like that I can afford a house some day.
On a hot September evening, at a Sheepadoodle’s first birthday party, I found myself making small talk with a realtor.
“I’m a big Costco girl. I’m even an executive member,” I offered.
“What’s the executive membership perk,” Cheryl asked through a pristine Pittsburgh accent.
“You get a percentage cash back on all purchases, so if you’re shopping enough, the membership fee pays for itself,” I started to froth at the mouth, a tray of free samples sprouted up where my hand used to be. “I got a brand new IPad there at a reduced price when my laptop passed away. It’s the cheapest place for an eye exam. Have you ever held a Calvin Klein bath towel in your hands?”
